ABA therapy: ABA was designed by Ivar Lovaas—utilizing the same systems and principles from his previous brain-child: the “Feminine Boy Project,” which lay the foundation for what is now commonly known as gay conversion therapy. Old Ivar did not view Autistics as human and once famously said, “You see, you start pretty much from scratch when you work with an autistic child.  You have a person in the physical sense – they have hair, a nose and a mouth – but they are not people in the psychological sense.  One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is to see it as a matter of constructing a person. You have the raw materials, but you have to build the person.”

ABA (in all forms) is built around the belief that the Autistic way of doing things is fundamentally wrong simply for being different—it’s neuro-colonialism. Why then, do doctors continue to push it as the “gold standard” and use shame and fear to sell it? Well, unfortunately, many doctors are ableist due to socialization and education through ableist systems, and it doesn’t hurt that ABA is more than a $1,070,000,000 a year industry (and that was back in 2016), whereas acceptance is free. The practice of forcing Autistics to mask—both formally through ABA and the informal home-grown treatments many Autties experience—greatly contributes to the high rate of suicide among Autistics.

Ex: “In an Autistic support group, one ABA survivor opened up about his harrowing experiences and how the legacy of shame still follows him today.”

Allistic: A non-autistic person. People often mistakenly use “neurotypical” to mean allistic. A person who has PTSD may be allistic, but they are not neurotypical. If you mean non-Autistic don’t be vague and use “neurotypical.” Be specific and say what you mean: allistic.

Ex: “It is not okay for an allistic person to write an Autistic character, nor is it okay for an allistic person to take the role of an Autistic character—they get it wrong, make us into caricatures, and take our jobs while they’re at it.”

Autigender & autisexual: A gender or sexuality that cannot be understood outside of the context of the individual’s Autistic neurotype. Autistics are deep thinkers who tend to interrogate social norms and expectations. For some, this search leads to an understanding of their gender or sexuality as something specific to their Autistic experience of the world—one that is often highly egalitarian, complex, and nuanced.

Ex: “My autigender friend is raising money for top surgery.” “Her sensory perceptions, Autistic communication style, and special interests all play a roll in her sexuality, so she identifies as autisexual.”

Autism mom: The self-proclaimed name of a mother of an autistic person who centers herself in her child’s story, and often positions herself as a hero or “warrior” for the incredible feat of loving her own child. Autism moms perpetuate ideas that Autistics are broken and flawed and only through their hard work (and martyrdom), can an autistic child “overcome” their tragic state and successfully mask full time so as not to be an inconvenience or a “burden on society.”

Autism moms love the puzzle piece symbol, fundraise for Autism Speaks, and have harmful blogs with false claims about vaccines or gluten “turning” their kid autistic. They often simultaneously over-involve themselves, neglect, and emotionally abuse their autistic child. Autism moms put their children through traumatic ABA “therapy” and they reject their chid’s disability needs as laziness, selfishness, or a fundamental flaw to be corrected.

*Not to be confused with Autistic moms or moms of Autistic kids—you all rock!

Ex: “That autism mommy just spent twenty minutes complaining to me about how burdensome her ‘son with autism’ is, then acted as if I was rude when I told her that I’m Autistic too and I think that Autistic brains are awesome.”

Autism Speaks: The largest, most influential autism charity in America, which is also generally thought to be a hate group by most Autistics due to the facts that: A) they have only ever employed one autistic board member (out of 26 at any given time), B) they use their tremendous wealth, reach, and power to speak over Autistic advocates and push a message that directly contradicts the messaging of the Autistic community, and C) they explicitly pursue eugenics to eliminate us. They even put out this horrific commercial and continue to push their “100 Day Plan,” which includes encouraging parents to have a funeral for their—very much still alive—autistic child.

Ex: “Autism Speaks does not speak for me.”

Autism Spectrum: The autism spectrum refers to the unique constellation of Autistic traits that present in each Autistic individual—it is NOT a line from “less Autistic” to “more Autistic.” Autism is a distinct neurotype and not a sliding scale. If you think our traits seem vaguely relateable (“I’m sometimes bothered by loud noises too”), and that’s why “everyone’s on the spectrum,” then check your ableism, because all that you’re really saying is that we are indeed human beings just like you and not aliens. I sometimes get bloated and have food cravings—am I on the pregnancy spectrum? No! No one is “a little autistic,” just like no one is “a little pregnant.”

Ex: “Saying ‘we’re all on the autism spectrum,’ is a bit like saying ‘I don’t see color,’ in talks about racism—they think they’re being inclusive, but they’re actually minimizing our culture and the very real discrimination that we face every day.”

Autistic person or person with autism?: Should I call you a “person with children” or a “mom”? Should I call you a “person with an M.D.” or a “doctor”? Calling someone Autistic is only rude if you think that there is something wrong with being Autistic. It isn’t a bad word and it is NOT a shameful label. It’s who we are. We have a shared culture, history, communication style, and values. We are dynamic, diverse, and awesome! I am proud to be Autistic the same way that I am proud to be queer. Does it make our lives harder? Yes, but not because there’s something wrong with being Autistic. Our lives are harder because systems of oppression block us from equal access and opportunities—NOT our neurotype.

Ex: “Finding pride in my identity as an Autistic person was an important part of rooting out internalized ableism.” “Comic Con and the Renaissance Faire are notoriously popular hangouts for Autistics.”

Auttie: Cute nickname for an Autistic person.

Ex: “He just showed me his ‘Star Trek Museum’ complete with a plethora of cool facts—what an Auttie!” “I’ve been crushing on the new Auttie at work!”

Chaotic/spiky profile: describes the way that Autistics can be extremely skilled at some things and extremely unskilled at others. Some people do not understand our peaks and valleys and instead insist that we’re “trying to be difficult,” or just “not trying” at all, when in fact, we simply cannot do what is asked. It’s also important to not underestimate someone with a spiky profile. If they cannot do a thing—they cannot do that thing. Don’t read into it or see it as a trend, instead let each task exist on its own and don’t make assumptions.

Ex: “He can’t spot an internet scam, but he can build a website in a week flat—classic chaotic profile.” “Her spiky profile meant that she was the top student in her marine biology program, but it took her two weeks of dedicated effort to learn how to use her cafeteria swipe-card correctly.”

Disabled: Autistic people are disabled. We are not disabled because we are broken or flawed, we are disabled because we live in a world that was built without our needs in mind (social model of disability). If we were the neuro-majority, then allistics would likely be disabled and require accommodations like “small-talk groups.” Disability does not exist within in me, it points to the fact that I am disabled by most typical accommodations and expectations. Disabled is not a bad word and it does not describe someone’s inherent worth or capabilities—it describes the fact that they are limited by typical accommodations.

Ex: “Disabilities are not always visible, and disabled people should not have to fight against people’s ableist assumptions about them in order to get their needs met.” “I am disabled by typical office environments and need an accommodation to work remotely from home.”

High functioning/low functioning: Autistic culture rejects the labels “low” and “high” functioning. Low functioning labels are used to deprive people of agency, and high functioning labels are used to deprive people of needed supports and accommodations. We are all Autistic. Functioning labels also imply that our functioning is stable over time—it’s not! We are highly affected by stress and our sensory environments. For instance, one might be an impressive baker who fills their Instagram with their beautiful illusion cakes, but on high-stress days that same person may require someone to shop for, prepare, and bring food to them or they won’t eat. Our functioning varies…a lot!

Ex: “Do you really need that? You’re so high functioning.” “He says he’s transgender, but, well…he’s low-functioning—he doesn’t really know what gender is.” (Yikes!)

Mask/Masking: Pretending to not be Autistic. Mimicking allistic behaviors and/or changing yourself to meet allistic expectations. Masking is basically the autism closet—it is something we learn at a young age as a way to hide our true selves in a world that does not accept us. Like being in the closet, masking increases shame, disordered eating, self-harming, and suicidal ideation and action. ABA formally teaches masking by gaslighting Autistic children to ignore their natural tendencies and prioritize the comfort of others at all costs.

Masking is a trauma-based survival skill that prevents us from being fully embodied or known. Many late-identified Autistics masked so hard, and for so long, that they no longer know what they like, what they want, or who they are. Unmasking takes time, compassion, and support.

Ex: “Her boss was ableist so she had to mask full-time at work, and now she’s suffering from deep burnout and depression.” “He dismissed my Autistic identity because he doesn’t understand masking.”

Meltdown: When Autistics are pushed to the brink of tolerance, we experience sensory or social overwhelm that causes us to enter into a fight/flight/freeze/fawn mental state. We feel panicked and terrified. This is a powerful emotional state and NOT a tantrum or bad behavior. We are in crisis and need support—not judgement.

Ex: “I’m sorry, I can’t make it today—I had a meltdown yesterday and I’m still recovering.” “I was in sensory overload and my boss started yelling at me—of course, I had a meltdown…pretty sure I’m going to get fired over it.”

Neurodivergent: Too often I hear people say “neurodiverse” to mean “neurodivergent.” The full spectrum of brain types (including neurotypical brains) is what makes our species neurodiverse. Individuals whose neurotype deviates from what is typical are neurodivergent. Neurodivergent is also sometimes incorrectly used as a euphemism for Autistic (so is “on the spectrum”). If someone is Autistic, use that label. Referring to us just as neurodivergent means that you are dismissing our specific culture, needs, and gifts.

Ex: “Most of my friends are Autistic, and all of my friends are neurodivergent.” “When fighting for neurodivergent rights, it is important to validate all brain types and not just a select few.”

Puzzle piece: Autistics reject the puzzle piece as our symbol since it suggest that we are missing a piece or are a puzzle to be solved, and it contributes to the false idea that autism is a “children’s disorder.” The puzzle piece is widely used by the Autistic community’s two greatest nemesis: Autism Speaks and their minions, autism mommies. Our preferred symbol is the infinity sign in either gold or rainbow.

Ex: “I don’t know how long I can stay at this Autism event—it’s ran by puzzle-piece-people.”

Safe food/drink: Foods and beverages that we can count on to have a comforting taste and texture every time we consume it. Often, when we are already tired or stressed, our sensory sensitivities increase. Food that we usually enjoy (like a fresh tomato) might suddenly be overwhelmingly flavorful and an unpalatable texture. To cope with that, we have safe foods/drinks that we can count on to be enjoyable.

It’s important to respect safe foods and not label them as “junk” or other demeaning terms. Safe foods are often packaged, processed foods that taste and feel the exact same way, every time. Boxed macaroni and cheese, for example, is a popular one, whereas plums would likely not be a safe food because there is so much variability from plum to plum. We often have a specific way that we like to eat our safe food too. This also applies to beverages and can apply to the types of beverages consumed, as well as the cups and straws used to consume them.

Ex: “Don’t forget to pack your safe foods for the roadtrip.”

Same food/drink: Similar to safe food/drink, same food/drink is something that we eat or drink every single day. Same foods provide a reliable comfort (texture and taste that are just right and exactly what we are expecting) in a world that—to us—is very chaotic and unpredictable. Eating/drinking it brings us comfort and a feeling of stability. When we can’t have it—even for a single day, we get agitated and sometimes distressed. When we are done with a same food/drink we might never eat it again. Alternatively same foods/drinks can get downgraded to a safe food and remain in rotation that way.

Ex: “Every single day I have to have my same drink: seltzer with a splash of Simply Orange juice served in my favorite mason jar with two ice cubes and a glass straw.”

Sensory hell: An overwhelming sensory environment. For many Autistics, open office plans, construction zones, and large parties, are all examples of Sensory Hell. It can also be used to indicate something very specific or localized such as a bothersome clothing tag.

Ex: “Had to go to the mall today—it was sensory hell, of course.” “The required uniform is sensory hell and they are refusing an accommodation of a similar outfit in a soft cotton…I guess I’ll have to quit.”

SpIn: Short for “Special Interests.” Some people don’t like the “special” in special interests because it reminds them of discrimination and ostracization experienced by being in “special education.” (BTW accessible education is not “special”—it’s a human right). However, I (and most others) enjoy the label “special intersts” because to us, that’s what our interests are—incredibly special. My SpIns are one of my favorite parts about being Autistic. I LOVE to dive into a new one, or learn more about a long-term SpIn. When I do, I feel connected, calm, motivated, and deeply engaged—I’m in a flow state. I am NOT zoned out—I am very zoned-in to a very particular thing…and it feels amazing!

Ex: “I met someone who shares three of my SpIns today—instant new best friend!” “A new book in my favorite series came out—I’ve been SpInning on it hard! Did you know that…”

Spoonie: From “spoon theory,” spoonie is a cute nickname for a disabled person. It is not a euphemism because it describes their disabled reality of having limited “spoons,” however, if you ONLY use the word “spoonie” and never use “disabled,” it then becomes a euphamism—don’t do that. We are not ashamed to be disabled—do not be ashamed for us.

Ex: “Check out his fully stocked backpack—soft blanket, headphones, snack, and emotional-support water bottle—must be a spoonie!” “No need to apologize, I’m a spoonie too!”

Stimming: Doing something repetitively in order to regulate, process, and express emotions. Autistic processing is often highly embodied and stimming is an important part of our self-care and self-expression. Stimming is sensory-based and can be big and have a lot of movement (like pacing, stim dancing, or hand-flapping), or it can be small and still (such as listening to a favorite song on repeat, watching a glitter lava lamp, making a repetitive noise, or chewing on a straw). Mental stimming (such as doing a Sudoku puzzle or reviewing data) is popular and can also help us to find our calm or manage an unpleasant sensory experience.

It’s not uncommon to have some cross-over with SpIns and stims such repeating ASL signs, sorting Pinterest folders, or studying a Dungeons and Dragons character for the twentieth time. For me, SpIn stims are the most effective at helping me regulate when I’m in distress.

Ex: “You look really stressed—have you stimmed lately? It might help.” “I was so excited when I got my acceptance letter, I started stimming with happy noises and hand flapping!”

Stimmy: Something that is delightful to stim with.

Ex: “That song is super stimmy.” “I got a stimmy new plushie that changes colors based on how you stroke it.”